Discernment Counseling: For when you aren't sure if you should stay or go
A structured, short-term path for couples on the brink. Find clarity without the pressure of traditional therapy, and decide the future of your marriage with confidence
In-person therapy in Reno and telehealth throughout California & Nevada
What is Discernment Counseling?
Five structured sessions to to stop the cycle of indecision. If you are stuck wondering how to know when to divorce or if you should keep trying, this process provides the roadmap.
Discernment Counseling is a specialized service for high-functioning couples facing marital indecision. When one partner is 'leaning out' and the other is 'leaning in,' traditional therapy often fails because the goals aren't aligned. Discernment Counseling offers a structured way to slow down, reflect, and understand your options without pressure.
This is different from couples therapy, as it’s highly structured and short-term. It is not meant to fix or resolve your marital issues, but to determine whether they are solvable.
Over five sessions, we explore each person’s role in the patterns that developed and what responsibility you’re willing to take for change. There are no sides, no pressure, and respect for whatever choice you make.
Your marriage may not be ready for couples therapy.
You need clarity first.
The raw reality is that you have three paths:
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Continue your relationship as-is.
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Collaborative & respectful separation or divorce.
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An all-out effort in couple’s therapy.
For those “Leaning In”
You want to save the marriage, but you feel powerless.
You’re likely reading this because your spouse has put divorce on the table or has “checked out” emotionally. You might be oscillating between panic, anger, and deep sadness, trying everything you can—pleading, changing your behavior, or doing Google deep-dives—to get them to change their mind.
It is an incredibly lonely and exhausting place to be. You feel like you’re fighting for the life of your family, but your partner has one foot out the door.
How I help: I will honor your desire to save your marriage. In our sessions, I’ll help you move out of "panic mode" and show up as your best self in this crisis. We aren’t here to "beg" your partner to stay; we are here to see if a path to repair is possible. I invite you to ask your spouse to join you for Discernment Counseling—not to "fix" the relationship, but to determine if it is fixable.
For those “Leaning Out”
You’re tired of the fighting (and the guilt).
Maybe you’re the one who found this page, or maybe your spouse sent it to you. Either way, you’ve likely been unhappy for a long time. You might feel "done," yet a part of you feels guilty or ambivalent about the massive impact of a divorce.
You are probably wary of "couples therapy" because you don't want to be judged, pressured, or talked into staying in a relationship that feels broken. You might feel like "the bad guy" for wanting to leave.
How I help: This process is different. I provide a neutral, non-judgmental space where your desire to leave is respected, not "treated" like a problem to be solved. This isn't a "save the marriage" trap. It’s a safe place to slow down and decide if you truly want to commit to one last effort of repair, or if a respectful, collaborative separation is the healthiest path forward for everyone.
How it Looks
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Each partner has a 15-20 minute phone call with me to discuss if discernment is a good fit. These occur individually and are scheduled separate from one another.
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Our first session is 2 hours.
We begin together as a couple, and I’ll guide you through a set of core questions, specifically around the state of the relationship and what you’re hoping for.
After that shared time, I’ll meet individually with each of you.
Once the first partner finishes their one on one, the other is invited back to hear a brief summary, and then we switch. The second partner then has their own private time to reflect, clarify, and create their own summary.
At the end, we decide whether to schedule a following session.
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After the initial session, you will have one to four more sessions to make your decision about where to go with the relationship. Each session will start with individual work, shared summaries, and a choice to move forward or move onto your path.
At the end of each, you and your partner will decide whether to book further.
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Within the 5 sessions, you will become clear on what path is right for you, stay as is, choose to collaboratively separate/divorce, or commit to 6 months of couples therapy.
I will support you in connecting with other clinicians and coaches to continue on your path. This will be as collaborative a process as possible.
Training & Credentials
I am currently in formal training for Discernment Counseling through the The Doherty Relationship Institute and anticipate completing certification in 2026. Sessions follow the established Discernment Counseling structure and ethical guidelines.Who This Is Not Meant For
* When one spouse is coercing the other to participate * When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce * When there is danger of domestic violence *